I have a lot on my mind right now. Today has been a pretty rough day. I was thinking about my ex-best friend today. I miss her right now and I feel like I failed her. We left things on horrible terms and we haven't spoke in about 5 years. I don't know what I did to hurt her so badly but it was enough for her to not come to my wedding and not speak to me. Well, we did speak once about 3 years ago and she said that she wasn't "that mad" anymore but she never called me back to work it out. I felt at peace then. I don't know why I am thinking about her now after all of these years. I realize now that I have never had a good friend since then. I have had acquaintances and friends but not the kind that I call just to chat or when something is bothering me. I know that I am putting up walls because I don't want to get hurt. I have been feeling so alone lately. I am surrounded by a group of wonderful ladies but I can't seem to open up. I feel like when I try to talk, I am trying to hard and it shows. I can't seem to be myself around anyone. I wish I could just open up and be myself and show everyone who I am, but I am so afraid to get hurt.
Sorry for the depressing post. I needed to vent to see if it would help me get some peace.